Unwelcome Callers
My first play was performed on Saturday 16th June 2007 at the Brindley Arts Centre, Runcorn.
Unwelcome Callers is a contemporary piece with a familiar theme. We have all experienced cold callers intruding into our private time. Drawing from my own experiences of working in support centres, this work comments on the relative attitudes to material wealth in the west and eastern based call centres.
Background Transcript Influences Future
For more information about the Brindley Click here
Also - I received a commendation for a short play 'Interrogation'. Click here for details.
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I entered Unwelcome Callers into a competition run by the Brindley Arts Centre: "Write Now Act Later". This is a showcase for local writers to have new one act plays performed. Started in 2006, this year three pieces were selected for performance by local acting groups. Unwelcome Callers was performed by Centre 8 who I'd like to thank for doing a great job.
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A partition down the centre of the stage.
To the right of the partition – a call centre office in India.
Props - a desk, a chair, a phone, a list of phone numbers on a sheet of paper.
To the left of the partition – a flat in an English town.
Props - an armchair, table, TV, video, pizza box, phone.
The Cast.
Mitesh – an Indian call centre worker in his twenties.
The call centre manager – could be a man or a woman.
Richard Henry – an Englishman in his late twenties / early thirties.
Burglar One.
Burglar Two.
The Indian worker Mitesh walks into the office and sits at the desk. The call centre manager walks in.
Manager - “You must make the sales targets for this month if you want your bonus, think of the things you can buy. TV and video.”
Mitesh - “Yes I will be trying very hard.”
The manager walks out.
Richard walks into the flat, sits in the armchair and looks at the floor with a bored expression.
Mitesh picks up his phone and dials a number from a list.
The phone in the flat rings and Richard picks it up.
Richard - “Hello?”
Mitesh - “Hello, can I speak to Mr Richard Henry please?”
Richard - “Speaking”
Mitesh - “Hello Mr Richard Henry, have you ever considered the cost of not insuring your home?”
Richard - “Er, who is this?”
Mitesh - “I am calling from British Home Insurers and I can offer you unbelievably good deals on your home insurance.”
Richard - “Oh, no thanks I …”
Mitesh - “Our deals are so unbelievable it will take me just one minute to explain them.”
Richard - “No, look, er, I’m cooking at the moment, a er, a soufflé, its about to rise, ring me tomorrow.”
Richard puts the phone down abruptly.
Mitesh sighs, says “A soufflé?” then shrugs.
Richard shakes his head.
Richard - “Cold callers,” he says like he is swearing.
He reaches down to the side of his chair and picks up a pizza box, then switches on the TV and slouches there eating cold pizza, looking bored.
Lights dim
Day Two
Richard is alone sitting in his chair. There’s a half finished pizza next to him. He’s looking bored.
Mitesh picks up his phone and dials Richard’s number.
Richard’s phone rings. He picks it up.
Richard - “Hello?”
Mitesh - “Hello, can I speak to Mr Richard Henry please?”
Richard - “Speaking”
Mitesh - “Hello Mr Richard Henry, have you ever considered the cost of not insuring your home?”
Richard - “Is that the insurance company from last night?”
Mitesh - “Yes I am from British Home Insurers and I can offer you unbelievably good deals on your home insurance.”
Richard curses silently to himself.
Richard - “Look er, I’m about to go out, I’m playing football tonight.”
Mitesh - “You are a football player?”
Richard - “Yeah my team is in the FA Cup”
Richard laughs silently to himself.
Mitesh - “Oh very good, but it will only take one minute to explain our unbelievable deals”
Richard - “Yeah but I haven’t got a minute mate, gotta go.”
Richard puts the phone down then switches on the TV.
Richard - “Right, Liverpool and Man U.”
He picks up the half eaten pizza then slouches in the chair watching the TV.
Mitesh puts his phone down and his manager walks in.
Manager - “Are you reaching are your sales targets Mitesh?”
Mitesh - “I am nearly reaching them but there is one caller I need to reach. Mr Richard Henry, he is a very busy man, cooking soufflés and playing football, what a life he leads.”
Manager - “You see that is the type of life you can have if you make your bonus. Reach Mr Henry and you will make your target.”
The manager walks out.
Lights dim.
Day Three
Richard is sitting in his chair finishing a pizza. He’s watching TV with a bored expression.
Mitesh picks up his phone and dials Richard’s number.
Richard’s phone rings.
Richard - “Hello?”
Mitesh - “Hello, can I speak to Mr Richard Henry please?”
Richard - “Is that the insurance again?”
Mitesh - “Yes, I am calling from British Home Insurers and I can offer you …”
Richard - “Yeah, yeah I know all that, listen mate, what’s your name?”
Mitesh - “Er, my real name is Mitesh, but for the phone calls British Home Insurers give us genuine English names”
Richard - “So what’s your genuine English name?”
Mitesh - “Elvis.”
Richard laughs.
Richard - “Elvis? Your kidding me.”
Mitesh - “No. Having the name Elvis makes a lot of people happy, they are always laughing when I tell them.”
Richard - “Well Elvis, I’m Richard.”
Mitesh - “Yes I know Mr Richard Henry.”
Richard - “No, just Richard.”
Mitesh - “Well then Richard, can I interest you in our British Home Insurance?”
Richard is bored and decides to waste a bit of time.
Richard - “Where are you calling from?”
Mitesh - “Mumbai in India.”
Richard - “Wow, what’s life like there?”
Mitesh - “It is good. I have a good job and with my bonus I can soon have my own flat with TV and video.”
Richard - “Yeah, I’ve got all that stuff but I’m usually too busy to watch it.”
Mitesh - “Well it gives me something to aim for, something to attain.”
Richard - “All the mod cons eh?”
Mitesh - “What are Mod cons?”
Richard - “Modern conveniences, machines making life easier.”
Mitesh - “Yes, and even better when I know they will be insured. So how about it Richard, can I interest you in some British Home Insurance?”
Richard winces.
Richard - “Well, let me think about it.”
Mitesh - “It will only take me one minute to explain our unbelievable deals.”
Richard - “Er, well actually I’ve gotta go, call me tomorrow, see ya.”
Richard puts the phone down, then winces again, feeling a bit guilty for being abrupt.
Mitesh - “See you.”
Mitesh looks disappointed.
After the phone call Richard slouches in his chair. He picks up the empty pizza box then throws it away with a sigh. He switches on the TV and watches with a bored expression.
Lights dim
Richard leaves the stage.
Day Four
The flat is empty. 2 burglars break in.
Burglar One picks up the TV and video.
Burglar Two picks up the chair.
They walk out.
Later in Day Four
Richard comes in and sees he’s been burgled.
Richard - “Damn, I’ve been done over.”
He walks to where the TV and video were and looks at the vacant place, then walks to where his chair stood and again the looks at the gap.
The phone rings.
Mitesh, - “Hello Mr Richard Henry, mate, this is Elvis from British Home Insurers.”
Richard - “Elvis, Mitesh, I’ve been robbed, everything has gone, the telly the video, even my chair.”
Mitesh - “Were they insured?”
Richard, a bit angry, “No they weren’t bleedin’ insured, when do I have the time to ….?” He realises the stupidity of his statement and trails off.
Mitesh - “Well, Mr Richard Henry mate, it is not so bad, you have your cooking and your football team.”
Richard - “No I don’t.”
Mitesh - “What do you mean?”
Richard - “I don’t have them, I made it all up, all I had was the TV and the video.”
Mitesh - “And the chair.”
Richard - “Yes and the chair, … where I watch the TV every night. This is what I do Mitesh, this is my life, pizza and TV.”
Richard shudders.
Richard - “When I think about it I feel empty. I don’t know which I hate more, the burglars for nickin’ my stuff or the stuff for making me live like this.” He sighs. "But you know what Mitesh? I actually feel relieved, like I’m free of them.”
Mitesh - “What do you mean? You have lost your possessions and you have no insurance.”
Richard - “But do they matter?”
Richard pauses a moment.
Richard - “Is this what they want you to aspire to Mitesh? Is this the life you want to buy with your bonus and your new name? Damn it, I thought you easterners had it all sorted with Buddha and Krishna and all that mystical stuff. Why do you want the material stuff we’re lumbered with? Why do you want to give that up for TV and videos?
Mitesh - “Er, well, it er, it is cool? …”
Richard shakes his head.
Mitesh - “… and with my bonus I can buy all the luxury goods, TV, video, and get them insured with British Home Insurers.”
Richard - “Do you really want all that? To eat junk food and watch junk on TV, cause carbon emissions, pollute your country with land fill sites?”
Mitesh gets a bit angry, feels he’s being patronised.
Mitesh - “Do you think we Indians should all be peasants then, growing rice and riding elephants? Are you saying we shouldn’t have the things you enjoy? Why shouldn’t we?”
Richard - “I’m not saying you shouldn’t have these things, I’m saying they’re not worth having because there’s no real value in any of them. Mitesh, I sit alone every night eating pizza that’s doin’ me no good, watching TV that’s of no value. It’s all unhealthy, empty. But I keep doin’ it and not just me, half the country are doing it. We’re trapped, addicted. You should learn from our errors. Protect yourself, your culture, value the stuff that matters, insure that. Listen Mitesh, do yourself a favour, do me a favour, don’t bother about your bonus, your TV and video, its all junk. What you’re aspiring to is a step backwards, learn from our mistakes, go out and talk to someone, meet some people, get a real job, get a real life.”
Richard pauses.
Richard - “You know what? I’m goin’ out now, I think I’ll go and play football. Bye Mitesh and good luck.”
Richard puts the phone down and walks out of the flat.
Mitesh - “Bye Richard mate, good luck.”
The call centre manager walks into the office.
Manager - “Have you reached Mr Richard Henry?”
Mitesh - “Yes.”
Manager - “So have you met your target?”
Mitesh - “No.”
Manager - “Then you will not get your bonus, you will not have your TV or video, you will not have the better quality of life.
Mitesh - “I think I will.”
Manager - “What do you mean?”
Mitesh stands up and gives the phone to his manager.
Mitesh - “Here, see if you can reach anyone.”
Mitesh walks out of the office leaving the manager alone.
Lights off.
The End
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The Call Centre
I have worked in various help desks and support centres in my professional career in both IT support and as a trainer. (No I haven't been a medieval outlaw, but I was briefly a sailor.) In the recent past I have been part of a team which gives support to a call centre in Mumbai. I've chatted to some of the operators there on several occasions. In their defence they are only doing a job, trying to make a decent living to better their lives.
Names
Mitesh, apparently, means "one with few desires". Please let me know if this is incorrect.
Richard Henry was named after Richard Henry Dana the 19th century sailor and author of "Two Years before The Mast".
The call centre manager - I'm sure you've met his / her kind somewhere.
Cold calls
I know I'm not alone in receiving phone calls in the evening, and not only from India, cold callers trying to sell something or trying to persuade me to switch my custom to their company, this is too familiar to need in depth explanation.
Burglary
No, I've never been a burglar, though while I was living in London I did have my flat burgled. I lost a few possessions (which were insured) but I had a strange feeling of liberation from some of the clutter I had amassed. Though this in no way forgives or encourages burglary, for some people it is a very upsetting experience. But in truth the only thing that still hurts is the role of film that was in the camera which the burglars nicked. The camera was old and faulty anyway but there were pictures in it which I had taken while camping in Wadi Rumm in Jordan. I woke on the desert floor one dawn to watch the sun rise over the beautiful, wild and empty desert. The memory remains though the pictures, like that dawn, have passed for ever. But there's always another sunrise and I've got another camera!
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I intend to add more dialogue and an extra scene. For "Write Now Act Later" the piece had to be kept to around twenty minutes, but I feel there are areas which could be expanded upon.
I intend to send the play to radio stations and other theatres, hopefully to reach a wider audience. If you know of contacts who may be interested then please get in touch via my email: ianbellard@hotmail.com
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